I’m smiling, forcing my brain to match the action. Trying to change my affect by changing the behavior, so to speak. Lately, I’ve had insomnia…initial insomnia (I can’t get to sleep) so I’ve been drained in the morning. I do the things I need to do and then I sleep. I think it has to do with 1) some business anxiety (fairly common), 2) my worry wondering mind, and 3) the business. While, I’m confident about our ability to be creative and take great pictures, there are other factors that we have to deal with. There are so many things to think about, ways to interact with people (I just try to be as transparent as possible and real), equipment to buy, ways to improve, networking. etc. It’s not about picking up a good digital camera and on a whim think you can shoot (this is a reality check for those of you who are on that mindset. I’m not trying to be discouraging but lets be honest here).
If you’re interested in knowing what was the one “thing” that motivated me to really put my dream into action, just ask. It’s a somewhat personal journey so it feels strange to put it out here in the open. I’ll say this much: it’s been a dream of mine to be a photographer. I got my first camera at age 12. It was from the 99 cents store (it costed maybe 15 bucks, 14.99 hah). My sister bought it and we shared (thanks sis!) Out of my friends, I became the “class” photographer. I took my camera to school, I learned the functions, and I spent hours in the library reading books. We didn’t have internet back then…or did we and my family was too poor? Anyway, if we did I would have been surfing the web too.
I can’t say I was good but I sure was ambitious. I took pictures of really mundane objects. A desk, orange peels on the ground, a sign post. It allowed me to see that there is beauty in the ordinary, that a person’s experience is parts 1) attitude, and 2) perspective. I was a curious, curious child. I watched people, I anticipated movements, and I was always asking questions. Above all, I was (and still am) CURIOUS. It made me be more flexible in how I viewed the world, how I saw myself, and how I interacted with other people. I like documenting people and “things.” I love documenting the little moments that other people might not catch. The world is so full of energy! I love that! I love that photography can capture memories, relationships, people’s quirks. There is range when it comes to photography. In college, my photography teacher noticed that I liked to take pictures of impermanent things. I lived near the beach and would make markings in the sand, take a picture, and immediately the waves would wash it away. Though the markings were gone the photograph would remind me that yes, it was once there and yes, I had experienced it.
It’s so much like a wedding. Not much is permanent, even the cake will be gone in a year and the dress stored away, yet the photographs allow the memories to be shared and re-created over and over again. The pictures will even outlast the memories. That’s why photography is so important to me and I put so much value on it. I’ve been through so many wedding magazines and books in the last 10 years and the one thing that brides wish they would have done was allocate more money for photography and took the photograph more seriously. I know for my own wedding the top three priority would be photography, venue, food. But that’s just me.
In the past months I’ve been given so much love and support from my family (I love you Big Sis! Tiffany!), Matt, my school mates/ art therapy friends, and my other friends near and far, especially Boravy and Darina. I put faith in the universe that everything will come together. Thank you. I can’t say it enough how wonderful you all have been. Now, Matt and I have a date so I must go!
Sending you positive vibes…
hello there it’s me margaret!